Diaper Capris

As it is finally hitting the upper 70s here in Seattle, I decided it was time to dig out my capris from last summer. I came up with some khaki style capris that still fit. I also found a pair of denim capris that also fit! High on a two for two win, I came upon another couple pairs of black capris. They were both a slam dunk, too! Hot damn!

Upon re-absorbing said capris into my wardrobe, I came up with some outfits that seemed spring-like and “fresh”, as they say on QVC all the time. I wore the light colored capris first. While they were comfortable and fit properly, I realized that I felt a little dumpy in them. They seemed baggy and shapeless and not very hip. I tried on one of the pairs of black capris and they looked dumpy, too. Gah!

After doing a bit of research (ie grabbing the most recent Nordstrom catalog), I noticed that not only is everyone wearing jeggings, but now that it is summer, everyone is wearing jegpris! Ok, they’re not calling them jegpris (although, they should), but that’s what they are. It seems that since last summer, all the capris got a slimmer, leaner silhouette. Or else, this has been the case for a while and I was hopelessly out of style last summer. We’ll never know unless we invent a time machine, now will we? (Ok, we could look at some pictures of me from last summer, but I don’t have time for that shit.)

I assessed the remaining two pairs of last summer’s capris. The other black pair seemed decent.

They were more fitted, and though not leggings per se, they had more of a slim fit that skimmed over my legs. I plan to wear them tomorrow, barring any horrible discovery of an ill fit.

The denim pair had a slimmer cut and seemed more like a skinny jean, albeit in a capri length. However, they  did not fit exactly as I remembered. I put them on today and noticed some sag in the front. They were quite comfortable, but seemed like they had stretched out, but there was no extra room in the butt or thigh area. There was, however, a baggy quality to the front of the crotch.

The button fly looked puffed out somehow. It was like, oh God, it was like I was wearing diapers under the capris! I had diaper crotch! It was awful. So I wore a long top and hoped that it covered the front dump that my capri jeans had taken over the winter.

In order to rectify the diaper capri situation, I am washing the denim capris on delicate right now. I plan to dry them in the dryer and pray that this sorts out my, uh, situation. Because I have looked high and low (Nordstrom, the Rack, Ross and Target) for additional denim capris  and have had no luck. So the dryer better work some magic because I want to look fresh and avoid a conversation that might go like this…

Me:  “Do you notice anything odd about my capris?”

Aaron:  “You mean your pants?”

Me:  “Yes, pants, capris, whatever - the lower part of my ensemble.”

Aaron:  “Uh, not really?”

Me:  “Liar! Don’t you notice a bulge in the front??”

Aaron:  “Oh, you mean like those jeans I tried on that one time at Eddie Bauer and you said they looked like Diaper Jeans?”

Me:   “Yes! Oh, God. I’m going to change into a skirt.”

Aaron: “You look fine.”

Cue sound of hangers being thrown onto the bed, huffing and stomping.

Aaron:  “I’m going to watch ‘Top Gear’.”