Have you ever noticed that the setting for drug commercials is almost always a bucolic beach scene or a couple biking or sailing? It's like, "Hey, I may have herpes, but I've got Valtrex, mothaf*cka, and I'm out kayaking instead of sitting at home watching "Designed To Sell" for the fourth time this week, like you, you LOSER!" (*Note to my readers, I don't have herpes. Don't worry. I have gotten a pimple near my mouth on occasion, but that was just from lipgloss abuse.)
Then there are the high blood pressure, high cholesterol drug commercials. You see a fit, older woman hiking on the beach telling you how they've fused Lipitor and Skeletor together, to make one fabulous drug that treats both her problems. This is particularly far-fetched, because most people that have high blood pressure or high cholesterol are probably not out hiking. They should show them scarfing down southern fried chicken at the casino buffet after drinking an oil drum sized can of Rockstar energy drink and then sitting on their asses at home in their Barcalounger, drifting into a food/sugar induced coma.
Then there are the allergy drug commercials with jaunty flowers growing, or a bunch of dipshits jumping in to do a polar bear swim (ever think you might have a cold, douchebag? from swimming in icy water?), or that goddamned bee for Nasonex who sounds like Antonio Banderas - and come to find out, it actually IS Antonio doing the voice. (Why did they make the bee Hispanic? Did Italian sound too mob like? French too poncey?) These people are all saying, "Hey, now that I have Claritin, I'm going to go out and garden and swim in cold water and play with my dog, unlike you, who are watching tv (AGAIN!) and eating frosting right out of the container. Better look into gastric bypass surgery, fattie. I don't think Nasonex is going to help you! Tra la la, look at me! I'm Claritin clear! You've got nothing on me, bitches!"
Then there are the high blood pressure, high cholesterol drug commercials. You see a fit, older woman hiking on the beach telling you how they've fused Lipitor and Skeletor together, to make one fabulous drug that treats both her problems. This is particularly far-fetched, because most people that have high blood pressure or high cholesterol are probably not out hiking. They should show them scarfing down southern fried chicken at the casino buffet after drinking an oil drum sized can of Rockstar energy drink and then sitting on their asses at home in their Barcalounger, drifting into a food/sugar induced coma.
Then there are the allergy drug commercials with jaunty flowers growing, or a bunch of dipshits jumping in to do a polar bear swim (ever think you might have a cold, douchebag? from swimming in icy water?), or that goddamned bee for Nasonex who sounds like Antonio Banderas - and come to find out, it actually IS Antonio doing the voice. (Why did they make the bee Hispanic? Did Italian sound too mob like? French too poncey?) These people are all saying, "Hey, now that I have Claritin, I'm going to go out and garden and swim in cold water and play with my dog, unlike you, who are watching tv (AGAIN!) and eating frosting right out of the container. Better look into gastric bypass surgery, fattie. I don't think Nasonex is going to help you! Tra la la, look at me! I'm Claritin clear! You've got nothing on me, bitches!"
4 comments:
Ha! My sentiments exactly though made 10 times better with your very humorous bent. Well done! -M.
Thanks! It's unfortunate that drug companies can even advertise on television, but it clearly works, because I can now ask for Lipitor, Nasonex and Claritin by name!
Well in a strange twist, if I get a contract with a pharma company, I will be part of the problem.
At least interaction with my device is elective.
Ah, capitalism.
I'm sure your advertising would be creative and innovative! Just as long as you don't use an animated bee, you should be in good shape. :-)
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