QVC

Since we got cable, I've been able to enjoy a plethora of programming. When I tire of "The King of Queens" repeats and "Biker Build Off", I sometimes flip around and land upon QVC. I know what you're thinking. Old ladies in Aniston, Alabama watch QVC. Joan Rivers hawks jewelry on QVC. What could I possibly want from to buy from a tv channel that sells matching pink tracksuit sets for $49.95 plus shipping and handling? Well, I get sucked in every time. I don't know how they can blather on so long about one stupid item, but they can, and I watch.

Take the other night, for example. The item in question was a woman's body shaper. (Read: a girdle-like pair of what looked like biker shorts made out of pantyhose material with a cut-out for each ass cheek...kind of like spandex chaps for the well nourished). I have never really thought of buying "shapewear", but after Lisa and Binny (I can't remember their names) went on for about 15 minutes, I was brainwashed. You got TWO pairs of these body shaper shorts for "sixteen dollars and change". What a bargain. My ass could use some lifting. My thighs could use some firming for all those "capri pants" I'll be wearing this spring. Then Peggy from Arizona called in and said they were great and she could even wear them in the summer. They are that comfortable. That was it. I almost reached for my phone. My God, I never realized it, but I need shapewear!

And then I looked around the living room and home decorating reality hit me. I acknowledged that while shapewear is useful, most of my clothes have stretch in them already (which accommodates a variety of sins). But more importantly, I need to save my scheckels for throw pillows and padded ottomans that convert into tray tables. Maybe that will be Today's Special Value...