Invasion of the Home Improvement Brain Snatchers

All I can think about lately is home decorating. Home improvement brain snatchers have completely taken over mind. There used to be space in my brain totally dedicated to new make-up at Sephora - like Bare Escentuals powder and wedge heel sandals on sale at Nordstrom. That space has been totally eclipsed by information about microsuede sectionals, grommet top curtains and comforter sets with box pleat bedskirts and king pillow shams.

If you see me at a cocktail party, I will corner you and drone on ad nauseum as follows, "Lowe's has a great lighting section, which you wouldn't really expect, but I like the lamps at Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond, too, but I'm not really sure if I want to go with a mahogany base or a lucite base, because which would really go better with the espresso finish side table that we just got?" You will be sweating profusely by this point and inching away from me, but I won't notice because I'll be frothing at the mouth.

"Then we got the chrome finish toothbrush caddy that totally matched the chrome soap pump, but it doesn't really match the brushed nickel light fixture, but it's not really noticeable." By now, you'll be mincing toward the porch and telling me that you need a cigarette, but i'll just follow you outside until you climb over the fence and make a break for your car...

"And the shower curtain that we got at Target matches the throw rug and we put up shadow boxes in the bathroom that were a gift from our realtor!" I'm shouting at you as you break into a sprint down the street.

"And we put tealights on the display shelves and they look really cute!" I'm running after your car, as you put it in fifth on a side street and mow over the neighbor's lawn toward a shortcut down the alley.

"And we're going to get a tiny clock to put in the shadow box and now we just need some small chrome canisters for Q-tips. Have you seen any little canisters like that at Ross?"

I'm kind of out of breath now and collapse in a heap on the pavement and continue the conversation with a raccoon that is foraging for food because tomorrow is garbage day. He looks at me and I swear he shakes his head, "No", when I ask about the chrome canisters at Ross.