Fake Nails

I've never been an acrylic nail kind of girl. They seem like they'd get in the way and I'd probably end up stabbing myself in the eye. That said, acrylic nails fascinate me. Not in an oooh-I-have-to-have-them kind of way, but more like the feeling of awe/aversion that I get when I watch that show "Trauma: Life in the ER" and they bust out what looks like a Stihl chainsaw to saw open someone's chest cavity.

But fake toenails on the other hand, are just plain freaky and repulsive and not in any way fascinating. Who the f*ck is going to want fake toenails that stick out like daggers? Think of the sock replacement bills!

Although, I might make an exception to my no-faux nail rule and wear these Penis Press-On nails to my bachelorette party. They just scream, "I'm the bride-to-be, so move over or I might puke up the last 5 blow job shots that I just guzzled!" Good times.